In this section, the Gamer.nl editors talk about the game that has made the most impression on them in the past year. Today: Ron with Elden Ring.
Brutarius XVI, Butcher of Grafika and Ruler of the Matrika Company: Oh hey, come in, come in. Welcome to Elden Ring Fanklub’s clubhouse. First time here?
John: Hello thanks, yes I am here for the first time. But I’m actually here with a complaint. I don’t understand all the praise for Elden Ring. The best game ever made? Are you blind or something?
Bruce: Ah, we hear that criticism often. Sit down. You can call me Brutus. Cup of coffee?
John: Please with milk if possible.
Bruce: Completely true. The coffee machine is a little further ahead, next to the pilasters of Algi, rulers of the black willow tree and protectors of the ruined land that charred after the great war with Queen Marijke.
John: You are insufferable, seriously.
Bruce: Excuse me?
John: This. This whole thing. Just that nonsense. In Elden Ringers they talk about how amazing this game is all the time, but then I go and play it and everything is super weird. Just tell me where to go or who to be with. And preferably with someone with a normal name. Just Kees van de Oetelaar.
Bruce: I understand. I’ll go with you for a while. It will be fine.
John: Thanks.
Bruce: See that throbbing machine up there on that hill? This is our coffee machine. I mark it on your mini map.
John: On a.
Bruce: Another 30 meters!
Johan: Huh. I see it already.
Bruce: It already smells like coffee! Do you smell it? Now it’s coffee, Johan!
Johan: Understand it…
Bruce: Yay! There it is, the coffee machine. You use this device to make coffee. Press the X button to brew coffee.
John: Dammit Brutus, take it easy, I just wanted coffee.
Bruce: Oh, sorry! I thought you would find that steering nice and natural. You prefer to play ‘normal’ games, right?
John: Yes, normal games. Therefore. Just act normal. I don’t need anyone to tell me where to go and what to do. I tell myself that out loud and literally.
Bruce: Yes, exactly-wait, no, wait, what?
John: Well, I just say out loud to myself what to do.
Bruce: Are you talking to yourself?
John: Well, such a one. Then I say something like, “Hmm, that coffee machine, it should be here somewhere!” And when I’m halfway through my journey, I tell myself I’m halfway there. And when I finally get there, I say, “I’m here!” Unless where I am is an open area. Then I say: “But I can also stay a little. Maybe there are still things here that I can use.”
Brutus: See, that’s what I mean. We at the Elden Ring fan club love all games. But nothing is as cool as a game that organically shows where I can go. Please note: can go, must not go. You recognize that sense of adventure, don’t you, Johan?
Johan: I am very worried about Jan, the oldest in the village. He mumbled something about this coffee the other day. About how this coffee reminds him of the coffee at home. Typical Jan, the whining about ‘home’.
Brutus: What happens?
John: No one knows where Jan actually comes from. What he calls “home”. In fact, Jan is the only one in the village without a family tree. But yeah, he’s also the only one I get along with. Something about him feels private. He has a warmth about him. Sometimes it’s like we’ve known each other for years. So… why is he so distant but also lets me get so close? John is a mystery. He would be your biological father in the end, hahaha.
Bruce: …
John: Oh, excuse me, I was talking to myself. I was afraid I had forgotten an important detail in the story.
Bruce: Johan, I don’t want to exaggerate, but this is not good. Do you have a concussion? Did you fall on your head?
John: About five times.
Bruce: Did you fall on your head five times?
Johan: Today, yes. It just happened on the way here. I entered the mine and then everything started to creak. Before I knew it, the floor collapsed beneath me. Suddenly a hellish noise. I just fell down the mine shaft.
Bruce: Johan, I’m so glad you’re still alive man!
Johan: Oh no dude, it happens about every hour. And it’s always the same: the passage behind me is suddenly covered with large stones so that I can’t go back. Then I can just go straight ahead.
Bruce: But does it sound dangerous?
John: No, don’t worry, I always survive. It’s especially annoying because I mostly haven’t finished exploring the previous area. As it goes.
Bruce: It’s just what you think is normal Johan. But what if I told you that this cannot happen in the Elden Ring? Everything has already collapsed with us. Then it cannot collapse again.
John: Oh. It actually sounds nice.
Bruce: John, I’m telling you. It all looks very miserable here, and yes, you die here all the time. And yes, sometimes you open a chest and get teleported to the other side of the world. But in the end, it’s all worth it. This game is a classic. There is so much mystery, so many nuances, so many ways to play. And these views… You don’t know what art direction is until you’ve played Elden Ring!
John: But is there enough to do?
Bruce: There is too much to do.
John: Let me guess: your sword can break, so I need a thousand swords?
Bruce: In fact, Elden Ring can be played with your starting weapon.
John: Hmm, that doesn’t sound wrong. Suppose I am interested, what is the cost of such a club membership?
Bruce: Your ring finger, sprinkled with the blood of a maiden, a blonde hair from Queen Marijke and a piece of sacred tree bark from the black willow tree.
John: Honestly, you Elden Ringers are insufferable.
Elden Ring is available for PlayStation 5, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, Xbox Series S/X and PC.