How a family lives together differs from country to country and culture. But husband, wife and children are no longer the norm. Living with several partners, adult children, grandchildren, adopted or foster children, eight cats or three dogs: In this series, people talk about their family. Sabine Gaastra (28) lives with her eight-month-old daughter Lily-Mae.
It turned out differently than the food blogger and entrepreneur Gaastra had expected, but she is now happy single mom. If you had told her back then that she was going to be a single parent, she probably would have laughed at you.
“I always wanted to be a mother and had a fairytale picture of a family. Father, mother and children, that’s how I saw it.” Gaastra has had several serious relationships. But when she met her daughter’s father, she was sure she would go for it. “And he with me.”
I still think he really wanted a child. But when the time came, he didn’t feel it.
“It wasn’t easy to get pregnant. We both went to the doctor for an examination. In the end we tried to get pregnant with a conception cup. With success: I was overjoyed when we finally got a positive test.”
But her daughter’s father certainly doesn’t react the way she expected. “When I was first pregnant, he turned out to be different. It’s very confronting; my happy bubble burst in a second. I still believe that he sincerely wanted a child. But when the time came, he didn’t feel it. We decided to go on vacation together, but this trip ended dramatically.”
Consciously go ahead alone
The pregnant Gaastra is very sick, she vomits thirty times a day. “Soon there was little left of me, I didn’t know how to keep going. I flew back from Venice with medical help. My ex flew on to Sicily. Because of the many vomiting I was dehydrated and had to be hospitalized to the hospital at the hospital. I was found to have a HG pregnancy and had severe vomiting for several months.”
The first months were intense: you don’t have a partner to relieve you so you can catch up on sleep.
Fortunately, the child is growing well despite being sick. After the holidays, her ex will temporarily stay with a friend. “We tried to get together a few more times during the pregnancy, but I couldn’t understand him. It pushed and pulled and eventually I needed clarity. We broke up and I consciously moved on alone, with the help of my mother and friends.”
In spite of the look up she looks back positively on the second half of her pregnancy. “When I gave up all hope that things would work, it got easier. My mom is a yoga teacher and breathing coach and taught me to expect as little as possible from my ex. I started meditating and I’m very proud that Lily “Mae was born in love. Her father was also present at the birth.”
‘Knows better than anyone that life is not a fairy tale’
Gaastra takes care of her eight-month-old daughter all by herself. “The first months were intense: you don’t have a partner to relieve you, so you can catch up on sleep. I was constantly ‘on’ and slept badly and little. The last two months have been going well. I do. my work as a food blogger mostly from home and “I really enjoy being with my daughter. My ex occasionally comes over to see her. I see them reacting nicely to each other, so I know it’s good.”
The food blogger has fully accepted that her ex does not want to start a family with her and their daughter. “Now I know better than anyone that life is not a fairy tale. When my daughter sleeps, I work hard. And when she’s awake, I enjoy her. I want to embrace my ex’s qualities that I see in my daughter I consciously teaches her to love the part where she resembles her father, even though he is not the one who cares and raises her.”
I have zero expectations of others and this ensures that there are never fights or annoyances in the house.
According to Gaastra, raising a child alone also has advantages. “I have zero expectations of others, and this ensures that there are never fights or annoyances in the house. The fact that my daughter’s surroundings are always 100 percent safe is a big advantage of being a single parent.”
Motherhood has changed her for the better. “Lily-Mae’s arrival has brought me closer to myself. In terms of business, I now make more conscious choices because I want to use my time well. I try to look at what I have and not at what I don’t have. have. If my ex had answered nicely on the pregnancy test, we probably wouldn’t have been the perfect family either.”